That'll take some fancy engineering, but I look forward to the challenge. I'll see if some of the other artificers want to help, too. [Viktor, definitely. Percy maybe, if he can be trusted again.
Queerplatonic bondage remains on the table. Barcus won't be the one to bring it up, though, and besides, Gadriel might have a girlfriend who can offer non-platonic bondage now. If Melinoë isn't the toppy sort, Barcus would be very surprised.]
Right. I'll be there in a few minutes, then! [And you know what? He'll break out the leash and harness and bring Satchel along. She likes cuddles, too. And Elion.]
I am sure you will create something better. Usable by everyone here. [Because some people are designed to run into combat face first without a helmet, and everyone else...isn't Gadriel.
[He has no idea what half those words mean because none of them are in the Codex Astartes. Maybe someone needs to have a kink intervention.
When they arrive, Gadriel is trying to towel off Elion, who got a little excited at everything happening and fell in the river trying to get fish. At least on the plus side, Satchel can have fresh fish?]
[Gadriel, you are far too kind. Barcus' little heart swells at the implicit trust, which is in no way misplaced, but it's still good to hear.
Barcus unhooks the leash from Satchel's harness when they arrive, laughing softly at the spectacle of Elion bundled in a towel. He can imagine several typical orange cat behaviors that could lead to this, so he doesn't bother to ask. Meanwhile, Satchel runs over like she wants to help straighten his fur. If allowed, she will certainly bathe his head.
Elion's, that is. Not Gadriel's. Although if he were close enough to the ground, he could probably get in on it.
Barcus isn't quite as fast in making a beeline for his friend as Satchel is, but he gets there a moment later and reaches to claim his hug. His voice is soft, whispered warmth:] I'm so glad to see you again, Sergeant.
[Gadriel does bend down, to release Elion from the purrito configuration with some measure of dignity, but still not quite low enough for Satchel to reach.
Which was fine, because Elion didn't want to share the attention. He will try to return the favor, so a grooming duel is probably happening.
Gadriel does sit back on his heels in a kneel, because it was awkward to have a gnome hugging his knee. This was better, and he returned the hug in kind, but careful not to squish the Archmagos.] I am sorry I let you get injured. That was my failing.
[Well, all right, if he's going to make himself more accessible, Barcus will just hop up and hug him around the neck. Which may result in Gadriel having to actually hold him up, but so be it.]
I was going to say I'm sorry for being a distraction. I think you could have handled them if you weren't trying to protect me instead of focusing on what you do best.
Maybe we can just...not be sorry? It happened, and it's over, and I'm grateful for the experience, and even more grateful you're back here with me.
[It wasn't like Barcus was heavy, so bracing him with a hand between his shoulders wasn't exactly hard, and sort of what a hug was about.
But Barcus isn't allowed to blame himself. For any of it. ]
We will not be caught off guard next time. [He wasn't going to let the faction leaders give them next to no information about the enemy they fought again. And it sounds a little bit like a threat, becaues maybe it was.]
It is good to be back. And cleared of the corruption to my soul.
[In the long term, Barcus is not in favor of threatening the faction leaders, but for the moment it seems pretty justified. Besides, who is he to argue when a giant friend is hugging him.]
I'm going to try to improve at melee combat. At least my armor held up well, until the end. I wish I could do an analysis on the points of failure but the pieces vanished.
[He holds on for a long moment, gives Gadriel an awkward but sincere kiss on the cheek (or jaw, or wherever he can reach), then lets go and slides back to the ground.]
I'm glad you're content. Maybe you really needed the battle.
[Come on. Just a little threat. Around the edges. Nothing serious--perhaps he could throw a copy of the Codex Astartes through their windows so they would learn the importance of battlefield intel. It's for educational purposes.]
You do not need to. There are many combat specialties and not everyone has to fight close range. [Scipius, their sniper, stayed well away from most combat, picking off the worst of the enemies. Or. Now that he thought of Scipius....] Or you could work on camouflage. Invisibility.
[And he should probably shut up, because if the Archmagos started getting ideas he'd run back to his workshop and then this reunion would be over and he was enjoying it, leaning gently into the kiss on his cheek.]
It felt good to feel useful here. For a change. [He figured the Archmagos would understand that--the need to be useful, to contribute, to be part of something and not something apart. ]
[Okay, throwing a giant book through the faction leaders' window is more like civil disobedience than real violence; Barcus is in favor.]
You think that would help? Camouflage? Stealth is something we learn in the Underdark. I already blend well into shadow.
[But running back to his workshop isn't half what Barcus is thinking of right now, and in fact, when he lands on the ground again, he just...stays close, leaning into his side.] Would you believe I feel the same, in a strange sort of way?
Sergeant...in the earthquake last month, when Ashton and I were buried under that cliff, I remember...feeling so happy I was practically delirious with it. I thought maybe I hit my head on the way down. I suppose that could have been part of it, but for just a little while it felt like everything was simple and the work was done, and I could just let it all go. And I was with him. I didn't need anything else.
Is that what it felt like to you? Like you accomplished something, and finally you could just rest?
Our sniper can camouflage and then strike from a distance. He is very effective. Your sorcery of moving stones [Yeah that wasn't quite it, but that's how he remembers it] could be effective.
[Speaking professionally, that is.
[But that second part took all of his attention. Gadriel didn't reply right away: he needed a few moments to try to get the words right. And still wasn't sure they would be understood. ]
That is our goal: to die without regrets, with our duty done. Our chaplains tell us that only in death does duty end and it...it can feel like the end of a long road. Rest after struggle. A release from all responsibility and requirement. It can feel like....freedom.
[Sniper is a term he's heard, and he's probably capable, except that above ground his eyesight might be lacking for the task. But that's just a problem in need of an invention to mitigate it. He'll keep that in mind. It might be a better use of his talents than what he's been doing. Or a mix of the two. His shielding was fairly effective up until the little bladed fish and the giant eels.
But yes, the second part of the conversation is what has Barcus' full attention, as well. He continues to lean close, listening to Gadriel patiently. Giving him time to speak.]
We were always taught that the world wants us dead, and we ought to make it as difficult as possible, on principle. Gnomes are small, and often frail, but we survive, and we endure. And when we sacrifice, it's so the rest of our kin can keep on enduring.
[He takes a deep breath and lets it out in a slow sigh.] It felt like finally being safe, for once in my life. I don't want to die and I definitely don't want to be buried under a cliff, but I wish I could feel that way again. Without scaring anyone.
[Gadriel has ideas about what could be done with Barcus's abilities, including using a spotter to paint targets for him, or remote detonations or...
...but that is stuff for another time. All he knows is that Barcus fought beside him, as fearlessly as any Brother. If the gnome had any doubts about his courage, he should have them no longer.]
If the world seeks to end you, the best you can do is make them buy your death at a high price. [That much, he understands and agrees with.
But he's also aware, starkly, suddenly, of his limitations, what he can and cannot allow himself to think. He releases his grip on Barcus, settling down and lowering the gnome to stand on the cuisses of his armor. ]
You think too much. 'Blessed is the mind too small for doubt' our Chaplain says. And also that thought breeds doubt and doubt breeds heresy. [So, he's probably doing some heresy right now!] I have no words that can comfort you. I do not even think I could think them. Where I am from, duty is all, and without duty we are nothing.
We are taught to be warriors, and nothing more. Our...our selves, our individuality, is in things like the honors we wear on our armor. [So this is really hard for him to wrap his mind around, but he's trying.
Without a war to fight, without brothers, well, everyone has seen Gadriel's meltdown.]
But you are more than just your duty. You are more than the things you invent. When I die, I will be remembered for the battles I fought. You, when you die [Please don't do that again, though.] will be remembered as you. More than just what you did, but who you were. You are more than what you do for others, Brother Barcus.
[Barcus' doubts tend to be more centered around his abilities than his courage. He's not confrontational by nature, but he's had to face a lot of terrifying things by now, and he's come through them with only a few new scars, none of which inhibit his daily activities. Deep gnomes are creatures of iron, or stone, or corundum. Tougher than they look, malleable under fire, cut into hundreds of gleaming facets.
When Gadriel says he thinks too much, Barcus can't help but laugh. He doesn't interrupt, but he smiles up at him, because yes, he's been accused of thinking too much before. Not in quite the way Gadriel means, perhaps, but it's not untoward criticism.
He sobers a little as Gadriel goes on, though, because the juxtaposition of duty is all and you are more than just your duty is fascinating, and a little heartbreaking. He reaches up as if to place a hand on Gadriel's cheek, but he can't reach that high, even from where he's standing, so he ends up patting his chest instead.]
I'm not going to try to argue you out of what you feel about yourself, or what you've been taught to be. But please know that I see you, not just your duty. Especially in moments like this, where you give me advice and care that you wouldn't begin to know how to take for yourself. That's generous, Sergeant. Brother.
I've expanded my circle of kin. You're part of it, and so are many others here. If I have to sacrifice for them, I will. I'm not afraid of that. But you're right. I want to be more than what I do for others.
[He quiets a moment, smiling again, because now they're right back to the discussion they had at the shibari workshop, and it's a little bit funny.] Hmh. I suppose intimacy blended with helplessness is the best way to go about it, without actually putting myself in physical danger.
[He can ask Bel or Ashton for kink, easily, anytime. The trick is that he couldn't say to them what he just told Gadriel, about how he felt about dying, or nearly-dying. That would be too much. That would hurt them.
Maybe it needs to be discussed, in time, but not right now. Not so soon after the emotional turmoil of the battle.]
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timeasmymeasure
> action
Date: 2025-05-30 01:20 pm (UTC)Queerplatonic bondage remains on the table. Barcus won't be the one to bring it up, though, and besides, Gadriel might have a girlfriend who can offer non-platonic bondage now. If Melinoë isn't the toppy sort, Barcus would be very surprised.]
Right. I'll be there in a few minutes, then! [And you know what? He'll break out the leash and harness and bring Satchel along. She likes cuddles, too. And Elion.]
action
Date: 2025-05-30 01:44 pm (UTC)[He has no idea what half those words mean because none of them are in the Codex Astartes. Maybe someone needs to have a kink intervention.
When they arrive, Gadriel is trying to towel off Elion, who got a little excited at everything happening and fell in the river trying to get fish. At least on the plus side, Satchel can have fresh fish?]
Re: action
Date: 2025-06-01 01:34 pm (UTC)Barcus unhooks the leash from Satchel's harness when they arrive, laughing softly at the spectacle of Elion bundled in a towel. He can imagine several typical orange cat behaviors that could lead to this, so he doesn't bother to ask. Meanwhile, Satchel runs over like she wants to help straighten his fur. If allowed, she will certainly bathe his head.
Elion's, that is. Not Gadriel's. Although if he were close enough to the ground, he could probably get in on it.
Barcus isn't quite as fast in making a beeline for his friend as Satchel is, but he gets there a moment later and reaches to claim his hug. His voice is soft, whispered warmth:] I'm so glad to see you again, Sergeant.
no subject
Date: 2025-06-01 02:11 pm (UTC)Which was fine, because Elion didn't want to share the attention. He will try to return the favor, so a grooming duel is probably happening.
Gadriel does sit back on his heels in a kneel, because it was awkward to have a gnome hugging his knee. This was better, and he returned the hug in kind, but careful not to squish the Archmagos.] I am sorry I let you get injured. That was my failing.
no subject
Date: 2025-06-01 02:30 pm (UTC)I was going to say I'm sorry for being a distraction. I think you could have handled them if you weren't trying to protect me instead of focusing on what you do best.
Maybe we can just...not be sorry? It happened, and it's over, and I'm grateful for the experience, and even more grateful you're back here with me.
no subject
Date: 2025-06-01 03:12 pm (UTC)But Barcus isn't allowed to blame himself. For any of it. ]
We will not be caught off guard next time. [He wasn't going to let the faction leaders give them next to no information about the enemy they fought again. And it sounds a little bit like a threat, becaues maybe it was.]
It is good to be back. And cleared of the corruption to my soul.
no subject
Date: 2025-06-02 12:32 am (UTC)I'm going to try to improve at melee combat. At least my armor held up well, until the end. I wish I could do an analysis on the points of failure but the pieces vanished.
[He holds on for a long moment, gives Gadriel an awkward but sincere kiss on the cheek (or jaw, or wherever he can reach), then lets go and slides back to the ground.]
I'm glad you're content. Maybe you really needed the battle.
no subject
Date: 2025-06-02 12:51 am (UTC)You do not need to. There are many combat specialties and not everyone has to fight close range. [Scipius, their sniper, stayed well away from most combat, picking off the worst of the enemies. Or. Now that he thought of Scipius....] Or you could work on camouflage. Invisibility.
[And he should probably shut up, because if the Archmagos started getting ideas he'd run back to his workshop and then this reunion would be over and he was enjoying it, leaning gently into the kiss on his cheek.]
It felt good to feel useful here. For a change. [He figured the Archmagos would understand that--the need to be useful, to contribute, to be part of something and not something apart. ]
cw I think? not exactly suicidal ideation but a weird death-related commentary
Date: 2025-06-02 04:58 am (UTC)You think that would help? Camouflage? Stealth is something we learn in the Underdark. I already blend well into shadow.
[But running back to his workshop isn't half what Barcus is thinking of right now, and in fact, when he lands on the ground again, he just...stays close, leaning into his side.] Would you believe I feel the same, in a strange sort of way?
Sergeant...in the earthquake last month, when Ashton and I were buried under that cliff, I remember...feeling so happy I was practically delirious with it. I thought maybe I hit my head on the way down. I suppose that could have been part of it, but for just a little while it felt like everything was simple and the work was done, and I could just let it all go. And I was with him. I didn't need anything else.
Is that what it felt like to you? Like you accomplished something, and finally you could just rest?
cw: same slightly disturbing commentary re: death
Date: 2025-06-02 05:09 am (UTC)[Speaking professionally, that is.
[But that second part took all of his attention. Gadriel didn't reply right away: he needed a few moments to try to get the words right. And still wasn't sure they would be understood. ]
That is our goal: to die without regrets, with our duty done. Our chaplains tell us that only in death does duty end and it...it can feel like the end of a long road. Rest after struggle. A release from all responsibility and requirement. It can feel like....freedom.
no subject
Date: 2025-06-02 12:34 pm (UTC)But yes, the second part of the conversation is what has Barcus' full attention, as well. He continues to lean close, listening to Gadriel patiently. Giving him time to speak.]
We were always taught that the world wants us dead, and we ought to make it as difficult as possible, on principle. Gnomes are small, and often frail, but we survive, and we endure. And when we sacrifice, it's so the rest of our kin can keep on enduring.
[He takes a deep breath and lets it out in a slow sigh.] It felt like finally being safe, for once in my life. I don't want to die and I definitely don't want to be buried under a cliff, but I wish I could feel that way again. Without scaring anyone.
no subject
Date: 2025-06-02 01:43 pm (UTC)...but that is stuff for another time. All he knows is that Barcus fought beside him, as fearlessly as any Brother. If the gnome had any doubts about his courage, he should have them no longer.]
If the world seeks to end you, the best you can do is make them buy your death at a high price. [That much, he understands and agrees with.
But he's also aware, starkly, suddenly, of his limitations, what he can and cannot allow himself to think. He releases his grip on Barcus, settling down and lowering the gnome to stand on the cuisses of his armor. ]
You think too much. 'Blessed is the mind too small for doubt' our Chaplain says. And also that thought breeds doubt and doubt breeds heresy. [So, he's probably doing some heresy right now!] I have no words that can comfort you. I do not even think I could think them. Where I am from, duty is all, and without duty we are nothing.
We are taught to be warriors, and nothing more. Our...our selves, our individuality, is in things like the honors we wear on our armor. [So this is really hard for him to wrap his mind around, but he's trying.
Without a war to fight, without brothers, well, everyone has seen Gadriel's meltdown.]
But you are more than just your duty. You are more than the things you invent. When I die, I will be remembered for the battles I fought. You, when you die [Please don't do that again, though.] will be remembered as you. More than just what you did, but who you were. You are more than what you do for others, Brother Barcus.
What can be done to give you that safety again?
no subject
Date: 2025-06-03 12:20 am (UTC)When Gadriel says he thinks too much, Barcus can't help but laugh. He doesn't interrupt, but he smiles up at him, because yes, he's been accused of thinking too much before. Not in quite the way Gadriel means, perhaps, but it's not untoward criticism.
He sobers a little as Gadriel goes on, though, because the juxtaposition of duty is all and you are more than just your duty is fascinating, and a little heartbreaking. He reaches up as if to place a hand on Gadriel's cheek, but he can't reach that high, even from where he's standing, so he ends up patting his chest instead.]
I'm not going to try to argue you out of what you feel about yourself, or what you've been taught to be. But please know that I see you, not just your duty. Especially in moments like this, where you give me advice and care that you wouldn't begin to know how to take for yourself. That's generous, Sergeant. Brother.
I've expanded my circle of kin. You're part of it, and so are many others here. If I have to sacrifice for them, I will. I'm not afraid of that. But you're right. I want to be more than what I do for others.
[He quiets a moment, smiling again, because now they're right back to the discussion they had at the shibari workshop, and it's a little bit funny.] Hmh. I suppose intimacy blended with helplessness is the best way to go about it, without actually putting myself in physical danger.
[He can ask Bel or Ashton for kink, easily, anytime. The trick is that he couldn't say to them what he just told Gadriel, about how he felt about dying, or nearly-dying. That would be too much. That would hurt them.
Maybe it needs to be discussed, in time, but not right now. Not so soon after the emotional turmoil of the battle.]